The Mosquito

I just recently heard about the invention -- the Mosquito -- that has swept across Britain and is being used by retailers. It emits a high pitch that older people can't hear, and has the effect of driving teens and young folks away while not impacting oldsters. Apparently some people are trying to ban its use because, gee, subjecting babies and toddlers, who aren't free to leave if their parents aren't willing, to brain-piercing high-pitched noises is thought to be a tad cruel? Y'think?

This is clearly a failure of marketing. By calling it the Mosquito, it just sounds too cruel. No wonder the weak-kneed Euros are trying to ban it in their Buzz Off campaign.

If Daddyfesto had been hired, here's what we would've suggested:

Valentine's Whistle: Kids barging into the bedroom in the middle of the night? Are you sad that your chance at a weekend quickie with your spouse is gone? Use Valentine's Whistle and your kids will be miles away while you fuck like rabbits rekindle that romance!

Yankee Child: Is your child rooting for an evil sports team as a form of adolescent rebellion? No need to tie him up in the back yard any longer, simply flip on Yankee Child whenever he tries to watch his favorite team on television or when he puts on the hated hat (in Britain, this would have been the "Man, U Are Not Rooting For Them" Device ... ok, that one is a definite groaner, but compared to the Mosquito, it is genius)

Daddyfesto could go on, but you get the point.

I mean, what is the world coming to? Jesus, next thing you know they're going to tell us that putting secret GPS tracking devices on our kids or giving them phones and not telling them about the hidden GPS devices in them is wrong or something.

The best is the version (see the Mosquito link above) that can be activated remotely via text message. [ed note: Chris, are you working on that?] Anyone else reminded of this?