Normal men that have witnessed a nine pound creature emerge from their wives thank God when the OB tells their wives that the couple shouldn’t have sex for 4-6 weeks. Just consider it a special gift from the guy who knows your wife’s anatomy better than you do. And after a few weeks go by, even if the potential for ugly flashbacks has lessened and you’re ready to “take the plunge,” taking care of shit and piss and lack of sleep with all the extra shit to do isn’t going to boost your libido. But the ruination that children cause to your wife’s libido is many times worse.
I mean, if you think your wife is doing to be able to change your son’s diaper and wipe off his penis and then walk into your bedroom 3 minutes later and have anything to do with your unit, guess again. There’s at least a 90 minute cooldown period from the time your wife has touched your son’s penis to when she can touch yours (and some wives, such as mine, have even been known to claim that the cooldown period is 90 hours). So you gotta work around that.
And I’m not even getting into talking about changing your daughter’s diaper in this context, mostly for my own sake, not for yours. But let’s just say that if you were into having your wife shave herself bare downstairs anymore, you won’t be into that any longer.
On the “silver lining” side of things, does your wife like cuddling a little too much? Guess what! She doesn’t need you for that anymore! In fact, after having another living being parasitically draped off of her for 10 hours a day, the last thing she might be looking for is human contact. Even after sex. So after your quarterly lovemaking, you don’t have to cuddle. So it’s not all bad.
But mostly it’s bad. Do you like breasts? I hope you got your fill of them in years prior, because they are no longer yours if your wife is breastfeeding. No touching for you (did everyone know this but me?) You have now given away one of your wife’s best features to the child (and when you get them back from the little fucker, he will have wrecked them like they were a rental car). And if you’ve got a boy, at some point in the first few months of his life, that young punk will suck on your wife’s breasts with you in the room, and he will stop for a moment to catch his breath and he and will look over at you, and he will smile at you. And he just might wink.
Many teenaged boys do not understand why their fathers are concerned with their sexual activity; they do not understand why they can’t take girls up to their rooms. They don’t understand why their fathers appear to be actively trying to thwart their efforts. It’s clear what’s going on from the father’s perspective. It’s cockblock revenge and it’s being served very very very cold.
I should note that you’ll see in your young boy your son’s first attempts to trick women. Particularly if your wife, like mine, grew up in an all-female family and doesn’t really understand boys, your son may just be able to trick your wife into things like, say, holding his penis down for him when he takes a dump because he doesn’t want to do it himself because “his hands are cold.” (I swear that he winked at me after he said that once). And you will learn that, even if your hands are cold, the same courtesies will not be extended to you.
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